I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
