I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
