end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
