I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
