Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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