Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
