Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize