SEEEEXXX PLEASE
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I don't deserve a penis
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just forgot I was standing up.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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