the new term for farting is butt boxing.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
