I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize