did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
