3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
