Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
