My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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