she woke up with a sticky ear
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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