your parents love me but you hate me
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
