Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
