i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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