i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
