You're completely useless in the revolution.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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