First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
