six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
