I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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