When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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