I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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