Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
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