I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
