you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
