Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize