see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
