I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
