this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
