So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
