I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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