I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
