whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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