I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
