it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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