is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just gift wrapped bread.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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