you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize