Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
