Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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