Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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