the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
