Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
