I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
