Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
