i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
