I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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