no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
