I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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