Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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