well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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