hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
