I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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