You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
