I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
