I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
