She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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