I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
