I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize