just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
