I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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