I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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