Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
