my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
