I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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