Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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