You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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