It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
