FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
