That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
wow bdsm is so cute
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
