I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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