if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
They are going to name an STD after you.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
