Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Duck Duck Cougar?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
