The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
