I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
