Your tits are I can't wait for
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize