omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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