I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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