Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize