I like to think it a success when the cops are called
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just had sex on a roof
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
