You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
