p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
