please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
