I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize