I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
