I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
