Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
