Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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