I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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