she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
