Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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