Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
