I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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