Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
