my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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