She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
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