fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
