I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
