It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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