Where is the hickey?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Terrible idea I love it
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize