I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
