i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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