On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
