tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
